My World

2009-09-10T01:44:00.003+08:00

been 3months since the last update.
my blog seemed to be collecting dust and webs.
and perhaps, nobody visit this blog anymore.
but couldnt care less.
there are loads of things on my mind.
seriously needa unload.

my friends have been telling me to wait for the right one.
yupp i did.
and im always the one ended up getting hurt.

i like u.. and i told u b4.. u are someone that i dun wanna let go so easily.
but i gt this sentence in return..
"wo men zhuo peng you hui bi jiao hao ba"
it means that "it's better for us to be friends"
the way u behaved towards me really made me speechless at the end of the day.
we have been texting/calling daily, meet up almost everyday..
shared everything under the sun.. amazed by the telepathy and chemistry between us..
we gt many things in common.. the common things made us closer and the diff things challenged us to overcome them.. we listened to songs and sang it tgt ..

u are the only one who noe what im referring to when i do the hand signs..
Lin You Jia's mtv - Bo le.

u came by this song, Ke bu ke yi ai wo (can u love me)..
u asked me to listen and feel that im like the lead in the mtv..
when i asked u ke bu ke yi ai wo..
u asked me to make chanwanmushi for u first..

but right now WE ARE DRIFTING APART !
in case u didnt realise that... u cared so much abt the gap between u and ur ex..
what abt me?
when i asked u what do u take me for..
ur ans: a friend. the end.
then i wanna noe..
why u held hand?
why u leaned on my chest?
why u rested ur head on my shoulder and put ur arm ard mine?
why u texted and called me that frequently? and tell me so much abt ur personal stuff?
why u get so close in terms of physical?
why u ask who im out with?
why u took my pics secretly?
why u asked or said sucha thingy like "what if u have to wait for 1yr and nth happen...." , " if i dun have hao gan (gd feelings) for u, u wont be here. " , "i dun wanna lead u on but i noe im selfish to keep u by my side..." BLAHHHHH...

we had fights. twice i supposed.
these 2 fights caused sucha drift between us.
fuck it.
im not perfect.. who is?
i might not be ur ideal partner..
but look at the things i have done for u..
look at the gd intentions.
recently we are being sarcastic and insensitive towards each other.
less than 5msgs a day. no call at all. no outing for the whole wk.
i cant believe this is happening when all the gd memories just came on my mind, vying to get me reminisce them..
i cant put them down !

and right now, on msn u said i seemed unhappy.. and yes im really unhappy.. u said u wont asked cos if i wanna tell u, i will...
thats past ! do u noe?
i will only do that in the past... when i was upset/happy i would have told u..
but not now anymore ! cos i dunno what to say though at times i feel like texting u randomly.. but i noe im just nth more than a friend ! u asked me to act normal... how to? i will have to think twice b4 texting u... sometimes i hesitate.. and in the end i chose not to text u..
in short, im in no position.. sometimes i feel like telling u... lets not contact each other.. but i cant bear to do so.. im in agony.. i pretend to be happy.. i pretend that i can be ur BFF and everything's mighty fine.

im just a friend...
u said u overused this word friend.
u apologised umpteen times.
but i dun want ur sorrys.
maybe im thinking too much, im sooooo one sided.
u nv really liked me for the least bit.
perhaps all along im just a companion to u.
im so not gonna get into a rs anymore.
hahahaha some of my friends asked me be player.
then wont get hurt.
basketball player uh?? LOL !
i told myself to improve.. and yes i gonna fulfil certain tasks that i have for myself.
i appreciate u much.
what abt u?
dun act like u care.
it hurts.

-anyways i dunno who will read this but yupp ... aint feeling any better but sorta casting all these for the time being-

2009-06-08T01:24:00.002+08:00

well, its been sucha long long time since the last entry. what should i start to mention... Mmm..
oh ya b4 i start, WHAT THE HELL with my tagboard ?!! with so many stupid ads and blah..... ARGHHH zzz !

oh yeah anyways i have ended my 4.5 days temp job at Expo ! =D
selling magazine subsrciption to all mummies..
met lotsa awesome friends but of cos, some sickening LOSERS !
it will get pretty long winded if i were to start mentioning all the details. LOL. so yeah gotta cut it short la..

i think im not cut out for sales job. Seriously.
i have been repeating the same lines to the customers for dunno how many X times.
the fatigue accumulated can be really unbearable.
from head to toes, whole body is aching..
and i have to face those small fry who tried to act like big shot..
in sales, they can only see QUOTA ! nth else... they dun even bother to see ur effort.. they pressurized u to get more and more and more sales.. thats all. no life i noe..
besides facing those customers who pissed me off, i have to 'fight' against some LOSERS among the whole team.

However, the LOSERS that i have been mentioning for few times are gonna be future Lawyer, Sociologist, Engineer, Scientist and blahhhh... some looked really bimbo and they are those typical hypocrite who will wreak havoc so that they can see drama and free show happening within the whole team.. but i was dumbfounded when i got to noe that they are all University students ! =((((
SIGH ! imagine future lawyer, engineer and etc lacking in moral??
what is the point uh?
then i reflected.
WHAT AM I DOING HERE EHHH?!
majority from uni leh... vexed lo..
the awesome friends who got into uni im still okok with it la.. but not those hypocrite enrolling into uni leh !
as u guys noe uh, in sales field we gotta fight for our quota and at times those hypocrite would tend to 'steal' customers.. if not they would just disturb lo.. to stop awesome friends from clicnching the sales.

this friend of mine, bryan, was so close in getting his commission. the hypocrite grp started to mess ard lo.. then this friend, CJ(conveniently been named as Damien, LOL), has been pestered by the hypocrite grp. damien got his commission so those hypocrite wanna have a share.. Zzz..
then we gt this ah beng boss.. LOL.. to think he has got to be so humble towards bryan.. cos bryan's dad is a friend of the company's big boss.. that stupid ah beng boss dare not sack bryan for that reason. but yeah i wasnt the lucky chap. fine.. so i was being told that I AM NOT RICH KID, THAT's WHY.......... i tell u uh.. this is reality... harsh reality.. though only 4.5days, but i learnt so much..

the fact that Evil would nv triump over the Good. That's pretty true. cos i still met awesome ppl in the whole team. then we would talk abt those hypocrite.. hahaha.. those hypocrite love to eavesdrop us la ! so irritating !! whenever we start to gather and talk uh, they would purposely lingering ard and tried so hard to catch our converstation. just feel like slapping them hard on the face !

well, the ah beng boss dun see my effort.. its alright.. i have director from prudential and ntuc trying to poach me to join their sales team. but i dun think i will want it la huh.. damn tiring lo.. unless its good pay ! LOL.. then i dun mind trying.. actually uh everything's on my mind but i cant possibly typing them out. its a fun and interesting experience la..hahaha.. then my team members said i have gt hots for bryan... =_= Zzzz... he's...gd looking but nahh... LOL.. they dunno my identity so i shall not tell them anything... hahahahah...

OH YA ! i went to shop at john little la.. lol.. just next to the hall.. the way i shop machiam those stuff = free... but hahahah i bnought some stuff la... happy ! =))

anyways im going to club this thurs ! at this party, herstory... anybody wanna join me just text me eh.. im bushed ! GOODNITE ! =DD

-hello, do u want a free copy of Motherhood magazine? LOL !! -

2009-04-09T15:35:00.002+08:00

while thinking of what to text u, some other stuff disrupted the train of thoughts.
i was envious of others, seriously.
the other time u asked me to see the whole picture rather than just part of it.
i just gt the hint from the things u wrote uh..
it seems like when others text u, u will reply..
and conversations going on..
but for me..?
i have gotta think hard and at times no conversations between us.
i feel that if no much conversations going on or meeting up will fade off the friendship.
erm, i think so?
i asked myself, what can i do for u as a close friend..
and seriously i feel that there is something 'wrong' between us..
the initial feeling lost.. and u felt that way too..
but.. why arent we doing anything to make a change?
im glad that u gonna celebrate my bday.
i just wish that i dun read too much into everything..
i always afraid that i will say the wrong things and ruin ur mood.
i noe u have other friends and ur life too..
but since u claimed that im ur close friend, obviously i hope that i can gain back initial feel and be the wall that support u. but u always say u are fine.. Mmm... i guess i noe u well but..
Arghh... nvm.. shall stop thinking abt it..
Thanks for celebrating with me ! =)
(more updates next wk!)

i guess im gonna have hell time on sat.
my friends wont spare me from all the nonsense !
good luck to me.
HA..

wish myself Happy 21st Birthday in advance ! WHOO !
=D

2009-04-05T17:45:00.003+08:00

didnt slp much aft clubbing cos my hp has been giving me prob..
disturbed me from sleeping.
i was afraid of losing the messages inside..
i lost them once.. that's why was afraid.
the messages are to support me and keep me strong..

B.. i noe close friends dun need to chat everytime.
why i said defeat the purpose is becos we are close friends and if u dun wanna talk to me then how am i suppose to talk to u abt my prob?
sigh..
u are afraid that the shoulder is being shared.. same here..
i dunno how u feel after reading my offline message to u.
seriously, being close friends is just in name or..?
do u noe when u knocked on my door again and concerned abt me, im melted?
everyday im hoping to receive some messages to keep me going and keep me strong.
it's like a glimpse of light directing me.. and making my day.
what i thought is something simple but perhaps to u, it seemed to be a task.
just want to let u noe.. i nv wanna leave.. u cannot doubt this.
i believe u will noe who treat u gd. =)

-----
Was dancing with yo but ky signalled yo that she's not gd enough to dance with me.
so ky swopped over and we danced..
she's gd dancer eh.. i like the way she groove along with music.
and all the grinding and blahhhh !
hahaha !
someone told me, dance floor can make one forget troubles, but temporary only.
Mmm true enough..
while dancing, i noticed ky was being 'bullied'
i pulled her away from that guy..
sigh.. she left without saying much.
damn shag.. but i gonna fill my stomach now !

-dude, i noe what type i prefer eh-

2009-04-04T11:51:00.002+08:00

gonna club today.
BORING !

my bday is coming soon.
i wish for my wishes to come true.
HAH..
but aint happy that it is coming soon cos some idiots have ruined my mood alr.
havent planned for my bday and dun really have the urge to celebrate it...
F up la..
sigh..

b4 i went to slp ytd, steff was on my mind..
no doubts many ppl would say she's not as gd as what we perceived of her..
but.. well if i have got what steff possesses now, i might become like her too.
and i love her favourite phrase - ' Dont pretend you know my story. '
it fits well in my situation right now.
i wish to tell the bunch of idiots..
Dont pretend you know my story.
cos you guys noe nuts abt my rs, my life, my doings, my thinking, my emo-ness and etc...
so shut the F up..
dun ever try to blabber nonsense and think this is going to aid u in getting closer to my heart or stepping into my world..
i didnt say i wanna be someone else.. i just wish that i could possess what steff has right now.
but perhaps, this might turn me into another person.
alright im not thinking straight again..

to =)
sometimes it gt me thinking..
whether u still rem what u wrote in the email..
aint sure whether im over sensitive or what but sigh everything seems messed up again..
we are not behaving the way we behaved that time..
i dislike the mixed feelings that always cause a stir..
i can only control.
control the number of times missing and thinking of u.
control the number of times messaging u.
control the number of times 'reprimanding' u. (maybe u will think that im scolding u at times but im not)
control myself from popping those questions again.
control and control... i suppressed it so hard that i breakdown often.
weakling, i noe.
but im still learning....
i dun wanna compare but im sure my feelings towards u will not lose out to anyone out there who fancies u.

-will u take my number..? hahahah! -

2009-03-28T15:08:00.002+08:00

honestly i think u should stop blaming urself.
everything is fine initially.
but i ruined it.. with so many questions again.
if i didnt ask, we would be perfectly fine like the way we had for past few days.
i have no rights to interfere in ur affair.
i just wish everything can remain status quo.
rewind everything back to the day i went drinking.
i wont deny i love ur intensive care..
and it spoilt me..

recently i begin to look at my hp often..
though sometimes i tried not to sms u first but in the end i would still drop u a msg.
when feelings developed, it's hard to turn back but it's hard to move forward..
shed much tears uh..
but i choose to rem the gd memories that we had..
at least, it brings smile and fast heartbeat at that instant.

i still harbour that thought.
im selfish.
i still wish u can muster enough courage to be with me.
regardless of the barriers..
im sorry.

-without u, my world indeed become less colourful. can u paint that rainbow for me..? -

2009-03-27T15:16:00.002+08:00

i believe ignorance is bliss.
if i didnt view anything related to u, my heart wont be aching again.
actually i shouldnt be so bothered..
it's ur life..
just that im thinking too much perhaps..
thought the recent messages, ur blog posts and email could mean otherwise.

my mind is blank..............................

-i love to booze and club and puke all the way ! -

2009-03-27T13:17:00.003+08:00

at times, i really wanna curse and swear myself..

im supposed to noe u well.. im supposed to understand u..

but yup the email killed me once again.

i disappointed u again.

i wish i could turn the time back.

at least been thru the past and perhaps i could change my fate as well as everyone's fate.

things might be different.

i shouldnt make assumptions.

i shouldnt be subjective.

but i wish i could see what's ahead of me..

so that i can lead u along..

i wont play ard.. and each time i listen to this song 'Mad', it reminds me of u..

just woke up and i dunno what the hell im talking abt.

i feel like drinking and getting knocked out and u are by my side taking care of me......

-Mr. I sounds nice but nth else between us. just friends. but u should noe u're still the one i like-

2009-03-23T14:25:00.002+08:00

though bpf asked me not to be player..
and yeah i noe it's not easy being one..
but sometimes one may think 'who cares'
i read her blog.
my mood affected once again.
it's gd to noe that she's leading a gd life.. with friends so understanding and family support.
mine is totally opposite from hers.
i have no idea how long this is going to be..
i told Mr. I that i would try to do something..
he's glad. =)
but i noe i couldnt rely on him too much.
it's time to be independent !
sigh.. i just couldnt express my feelings again... this mixed feelings.

-ignorance is bliss. really? is it true? -

2009-03-14T16:22:00.002+08:00

it's been so long since the last post..
i was wondering who would ever view my blog alr.. haha..
i was wondering would ' =) ' view my blog..
it's amazing to noe time really flies and many events happened..
unfortunately, not a very good one for me..
i cried like dunno how many X times..
my heart ached like dunno how many X times..
i tortured myself with all sorts of nonsense like dunno how many X times..
as if there wasnt any glimpse of hope in my life..
i walked the places we went b4.. i listened to the songs so familiar..
though not lovey-dovey as what u claimed..
but to me, it's sweet.. cos it's u that i had at those moments..
but, all gone..
perhaps u did drop hints long ago..
i was dumb and didnt realize it..
that's why the truth seemed so harsh..

perhaps God sympathise me.
cos Mr. I appeared.
Mr. I shared his experience, asked me out and even intro me his friends.
thanks. =) really grateful.
but it wasnt easy for me to just move on like this..
Mr. I nv thought of giving up on me..
perhaps we shared the same situation.. that's why he can empathise me.
and Janice suddenly appeared in my life.
sometimes uh i really felt that God loves to play prank on me leh..
or He is trying hard to reinforce this phrase ' what does not kill you, makes you stronger. '
Mmm..

i went to club..
i thought i could be like them..
but someone came to my mind and i dun seem to be able to play and fling..
fucked up..
my world seemed to turn upside down..
WAKE UP LA !! sigh..
im really exhausted that suicidal thoughts keep floating on my mind..
i gonna break that bubbles..
i gonna improve..
but easier said than done..

whatever.....
I just dun feel good.
i dun like to be humiliated.
i dun like to be seen like a fool.
i dun like ppl to toy with my feelings.

I just hope that day will come................

-Am i a player? Can i be a player?-

2009-02-05T01:06:00.005+08:00

Mad - Ne-Yo

i do anything to torture myself. im miserable.
u said it takes time and effort to put it down.
so as what others said too.
time will heal...find friends to go out.. dun listen to songs...etc..
but i just cant snap out of it.
exam coming.. remaining days are really countable..
when everyone is abt to retreat in life, i become lost and empty.
i dun wanna lose u. but always do things in spite.
and right now u dun even have anything to talk to me.
im a failure. really failed.
i have friends to encourage me so that i wont fall apart.
i have some universities in mind to keep me going on for the time being.
my friends told me their experiences, saw me cried......
but when night time strikes or when im alone, all emotions come in.
unbearable when i cant even talk to u.. i always wanna use a better tone and talk to u abt gd things but in the end i screwed up everything.
i dunno how to tell u my feelings.. but suicide did flash thru my mind.
im vulnerable. i loathe myself being like this.
in my eyes, u are attractive and therefore im jealous and envious of whoever trying to get near u.
honestly, im tired alr. u are too i suppose. but i told u b4.. it's kinky that i still want u back despite of what i have said and at night. im going to be a goner if i continue to behave like this. but i cant control my brain..

therefore this song, Mad by Neyo, is somehow telling our situation.. i miss those gd feelings with u. the telepathy and understanding between us. it is detrimental to health if one is being unhappy for long time. and my chest area is feeling numb at times and heart pain in cardiac sense. i can hardly breathe and slp..
i asked whether u still have feelings for me.. u said i should know the answer. I know the answer and is helpless cos i cant get u back anymore.

i wanna say this to people out there.. Please please please... TREASURE ! cos once u lost it, that's that. Friend C told me that sometimes one must wait till he/she lose somebody then they will feel the pain. Ya, that's when my regrets getting at me. im very tired now.. all i hope for is that we will still continue to keep in touch, just like how we behave on sat...

take care love. you are on my mind every now and then.....

2009-01-31T12:20:00.002+08:00

been such a long time since the last update eh..
pretty sad that certain things must come to an end.
but on the other hand, i have gain a great friend.

this video.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-Xg3MhpfwY

this lyric..
She's starin' at me
I'm sittin', wonderin' what she's thinkin'
Nobody's talkin' 'cause talkin' just turns into screamin'

And now is i'm yellin' over her, she's yellin' over me
All that that means
is neither of us is listening
[and what's even worse]
that we don't even remember why were fighting.

So both of us are mad for...

Nothin' [fighting for]
Nothin' [crying for]
Nothin' [whooaaa]
But we wont let it go for nothin'
[no not for]
Nothin'
This should be nothin'
to a love like what we got
Ohhh baby...

i know sometimes it's gonna rain
but baby, can we make up now
cause I can't sleep through the pain
Girl, i don't wanna go to bed[mad at you]
And i don't want you to go to bed[mad at me]
No, i don't wanna go to bed[mad at you]
And i don't want you to go to bed[mad at me]
Ohhh no no no...

And it gets me upset, girlwhen your constantly accusing.
[askin' questions like you've already known]
We're fighting this war, babywhen both of us are losing.
[This ain't the way that love is supposed to go].

Whoahhhh...[what happened to workin' it out]
We've fall into this place
where you ain't backin' down and i ain't backin' down
so what the hell do we do now...

Oh, baby this love ain't gonna be perfect[perfect, perfect, ohh ohh]
and just how good it's gonna be
we can fuss and we can fight
long as everythings allright between us...
before we go to sleep.
Baby, we're gonna be happy............................

-i will always remember and miss u, love. =)

2009-01-07T14:37:00.002+08:00

aint Superstar.
no flash no paparazzi no fans aft me.
so.. stop saying im drama.
a friend told me that im drama for the lil prob that i have encounterd.
she gave me her piece of mind.
well, i dun deny that her words are impactful that etch on my mind.
it's not true that i dun heed her advice.
i just need some time to pick myself up.
perhaps i shouldnt give a hoot to anything else anymore. seriously.
should channel all attention and strength in proj and exam.
whether im happy or not, i guess it doesnt matter.

but at times i wish i were some sort of Superstar.
so that i could have fans concerning and paparazzi trying hard to dig my personal news.
so that at least i could gain some attention and be the headline of whichever magazines.
gosh.. is that self pity?
what's wrong with PQT?!
ARGHHH !!

-project and project and project and nth else....-

2008-12-30T14:41:00.002+08:00

2008 almost ending..
tmr is wed.. new year eve..
am gonna countdown and welcome 2009 with smile.

sometimes i will tend to look back and hope that i can rewind some of the prob happened
but realised that it's pointless looking back. i shall move on and look forward.

2008 has much ups and downs. it's just life. but still im positive in anticipating 2009 to arrive. hopefully everything goes smoothly for me yeah. =)
been thru much.. this yr has been quite taxing and hard to endure.
but im gonna strike a balance in family, friends, r/s and work.
gonna be happy cos life is short.
dun want any regrets. dun want any tears.
i want my 2009 to engage in more =D than =(.
i wont allow myself to sink in misery and agony.
it's foolish. life is unpredictable.
shall not hold back in loving more ppl ard me.

and i have been thinking how to celeb my 21th birthday.
people invited, please attend alright. HAHAHA !

and to =)
i dunno what's going on between us..
but just want u to noe.. i'll always be here for u.
i'll still want to listen to u and everything i do is for u.
aint perfect person.
i cant let u go cos im too attached..

2008-12-25T23:22:00.003+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2008 ! =D

2008-12-23T15:45:00.003+08:00

Can we bring yesterday back around..

Cos I know how I feel about you now..

I was dumb I was wrong I let you down..

But I know how I feel about you now..

-nobody gets me like you-

2008-12-22T00:15:00.002+08:00

Conversation with kejia and kwangjing.. discussing on bday present..
Here it goes..

kwangjing says:
HAHAHAs. BIGGGGGGG ah
ahyer nvm, i'm in little nyonya craze. 29th is a monday
i stay at home watch 2 hours lil nyonya. HAHA

loves. says:
.......................

Super.man 10 - says:
.........
wa biang
pls lo

loves. says:
den ur bday present i give u mobtv la

hahahha dunno why i feel that this is funny la... MOBTV somemore.. what the...
=D

2008-12-19T16:10:00.003+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009 !

went to vivo for countdown. saw Ou Xuan, Rui En, Nat Ho and Elvin Ng. at arm's length. =D
pretty faces. hahaha.
enjoyed myself at Sakae Sushi.
11pm preparing for countdown.
well, i almost got into fight.
BLAHH !
aft countdown we went to Kbox.
reached home at 8am.
but was still enthusiastic eh.
went dinner with my mummy.
=)
love her. she's the best !
--------------------------------------------
i noe i have been asking a lot of silly qns.
sorry to make u so tired and mood ruined.
im clear headed, sane now..
=)
-------------------------------------------
I LOVE IRFAAN AND JAZZLIN ! =D

2008-12-19T16:10:00.002+08:00

I Miss It...

2008-12-17T13:22:00.003+08:00

projects and some things jerked me up from my sleep.

i wish there is a STOP button in my brain.. so that i can stop my brain from thinking of things that i dun wanna face it.

guess A is disappointed in me? cos i nv seemed to heed her advice.. however i've nv regretted.
now recently.. her words keep running thru my mind again....

i thought communication do wonders. but guess it's not in my case..
i dun deny that i keep wondering and need some assurance..
but have u ever thought of the reason why?
am i asking too much?
sometimes i just want u to prioritise and differentiate..
i noe i shouldnt be giving u attitude..
but pardon me, i do have my mood..
i just want u to be more open up and talk more to me, spend ample time with me..
xmas, new year, cny.....
sigh..

-it could have been a gd holiday if one treasure it..-

2008-12-09T10:48:00.004+08:00

You Are All I Ever Wanted...

-sometimes i wish that others can just mind their own biz. stop meddling with mine-

you wanna go CANADA? hahahaha.. =)

2008-11-25T00:47:00.003+08:00

dedicate this song to you..

cos i didnt noe..

it could be so heartwrenching.

i hope we will do fine..

perhaps lyric can convey the message.

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine
Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!
You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no
You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder
oooohhh I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me
it's only a matter of time
You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....
You'll always be a part of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

2008-11-20T22:39:00.005+08:00

really thankful. when im not well, u would always be here for me.. =) and i noe travelling all the way here is a hassle..

i like to whine and behave like a lil kid in front of u..
i like the way u snatched my crackers and forbid me from eating..
i like the way u ruffled my hair when i leaned against u..
i like gentleness u displayed and enjoyed such closeness..
i like the fragrance from ur body and it has been a familiar one..
i like the way u said NO when i wanna eat/drink junk food..
i like the way u care and concern me.. sweet..
i like the way i looked at ur face.. HAHAHA !
i just like every lil thing abt u..
=)

-thanks. am blissful. you will always be a part of me =)-

2008-11-17T22:56:00.002+08:00

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine
Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!
You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no
You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder
oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh!
baby believe me it's only a matter of time
You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....
You'll always be a part of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

-Yu, am envious of berlinda and lingyan can ! the way berlinda hugged lingyan.. so cute ! =D hahaha-

2008-11-16T22:36:00.003+08:00

BIG Smile On My Face

py: ya, u are always cool wan
i rmbr the very 1st time i saw u in bsu
u look very cool, i dare nt talk to u
bt also don noe gradually why we began talk to each other

-thanks eh ! made my day. =D -

2008-11-13T23:13:00.002+08:00

in a state of confusion.
it's too complicated.

fri night..weekends..
wish for no limitations..
wish that everything's in our control..

-missing you now. =) -

2008-11-12T22:49:00.004+08:00

You are Priceless.

i can buy colourful pens, colourful boxers and etc..

but there's something i cant buy..

which is ur smile. =)

you are my rainbow.

you are colours in my life.

you are my everything.

i cherish you much, love.

2008-11-12T00:32:00.002+08:00

Guess i had lost a friend.

too many implications.
too much of the sensitivity.
too much of dwelling will detriment to brain.
i wish for peace but it nv come true.
no need apologise.
neither of us is right/wrong.
hate me if u want.
im a fucker, i know.

-take care gal-

2008-11-09T00:08:00.001+08:00

2008-10-31T23:58:00.003+08:00

Last Day of Attachment !!

nice and heartwarming things could complement the flaws i seen in someone when i had the attachment for these 10weeks.

having attachment at Advertising & Promotions/Marketing Dept.

New and cool stuff for me eh.

i bought chocolates for everyone.

And i got some tokens too.

Vouchers from LaiYin (Boss).

Almond and Caramel snack(kinda expensive) from Yoshida, ShuYing and Sue.

they are from the big office and though we are acquainted but i do not meet them regularly.

Yet i've gotten something from them.

Thanks !

Next, Belgium Chocolate from this interesting fellow (Sylvester) who is the only male colleague in my office.

I had farewell lunch tgt with my own dept colleagues and some ppl(Aunt Jackie) from the big office. =D

Had cake after work with colleauges.

The Delivery Uncle wished me all the best.

All colleauges wished me the same as well.

Info Counter ppl wished me too.

Except one person.

She has gt prob i suppose.

but anyway it's over !

sch starts on MONDAY !

Where should i proceed to after grad...? Mm..

All The Best Peers ! =D

2008-10-31T00:02:00.005+08:00

12.03am

i wish these balloons would take away ur pain. =)

2008-10-24T14:40:00.003+08:00

12.29am

I was helping out at the info counter this afternoon cos my colleague need a toilet break. Unfortunately he was ‘wanted’ by these 2 ladies.

Situation was like this: I’m not a SISTIC agent so obviously I do not have any knowledge on how to function the ticket machine.

so these 2 ladies wanna buy tickets but I told them politely that I’m not a SISTIC agent, hence unable to do the transaction. And I suggested them to shop ard in the mall 1st cos my colleague would be back soon for he’s taking a short toilet break.

Then these 2 ladies gave me a what-is-this face. They began to ignore me after knowing I’m not the agent. But I’m the only person they could talk to and they demanded me to call my colleague. My poor colleague has not been taking break since 10am. (I called my colleague did not mean that i gave in to them but rather, I cant be bothered cos recently tonnes of ‘lunatics’ outside. Hahaha insider’s info!).

No choice, my colleague rushed back. I heard the ladies asked whether they have discount cos they are MEDIACORP staff. Well well well.. come on ladies.. we knew that u were asking the stupid qn cos obviously u just wanna announce to the whole world that u are from mediacorp. If u are telling me u are from HOLLYWOOD, perhaps I would take a few more glances. But NONONO, that’s not the case. Too bad.

Took cab. The uncle said I’m from NUS. How I wish. Hahah.. kinda clueless too. Dunno what gave him the idea. 4 more days and IPP is over ! =)

___

Happy Birthday Chun Yin. =D
went to fish & co with my year 1 classmates.
head count: chunyin, boonlin, shang, junqin, jiemin, aishah, rangini, qianrui, ivan and me !

been such a long time since the last gathering..
endless topics and laughters. =)

when the whole thing was abt to end, this cute malay guy gave cy the mints.
he said he could even get us whole basket if we want.
then boonlin very mean.
he asked us to place empty wrappers at cy's table to make it look as if she has finished up all the sweets by herself.
then the malay guy got her a plate of mints again ! hahaha ! cute. the fish and co staff sang song and we sang along with many ppl staring at us. SO OMG ! hahaha.
initially wanna catch a movie but nah bad timing.. hahaha.
__
FUNNY scenarios which crack me up ! but imma not the one getting all these..

scenario 1
caller: hi can i know what the company does?
me: Its a business software co.
Caller: what is the core business?
me: Business software ma'am
Caller: mm okay. not oil and gas?
me: ...

scenario 2
caller2: hi can i speak to "A"?
me: they're travelling at the moment. try to call next week?
caller2: oh how about "X"?
me: they're out of office sir. would you like to leave your contact details or would you like me to pass a message? i'll email it over & get them to contact you.
caller2: urgh great! nvm. so how are you going to pass them the message?
me: ... erm via email.

CAN ANYBODY BE ANY DUMBER?! hahahah ! what's wrong with all these ppl.. wondering whether they have been in biz for too long and going haywire alr..

2008-10-19T01:45:00.002+08:00

I LIKE THIS SONG BUT I FEEL THAT SOME OF THE MOVEMENTS ARE KINDA SIMILAR AS USHER.. Mmm.. hahahaha !

NOT THE REAL MTV BUT VERY NICE SONG BY S.H.E LATEST ALBUM. =)

2008-10-05T02:29:00.043+08:00

my life becomes wonderful because i've u..

u.. =)

my fav strap ! POLKA DOTS ! hahaha =)

chill !

boozing @ bday celebration !

eat.

eat..

narcissism ! haha

Mango flavoured Vodka !

F1 Simulator !

WHAT THE......

FOOD AGAIN !! HAHAHA !

my screensaver. =)

sweetest thing cos it's u who gave it to me. =)

at chanel counter .. bored ..

where is the barney?! hee

dentist says perfect teeth ! =x

damn pale.......

i really gt 'retard' face..

took recently @ toilet. -.-

some random pics .. LOL..

gdnite !

-let me hold ur hand, darling. =) - 3.41am

2008-09-24T23:47:00.003+08:00

=) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =)
=) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) SWEET =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =) =)

-i cant stop loving u. SWEET =) -

2008-09-23T22:28:00.004+08:00

received call from customer. who would have thought that the line would be mine. i noe THEY were shocked eh.

this customer is extremely sweet. he knew that i was sick previously and he hoped that im better now.

part of the conversation between me and the customer..

him: why not u confirm me the email?

me:*******

him: that's right. oh qiuting i heard that u were sick and i hope that u are much better now

me:*taken aback and touched* thanks

him: no prob. thx..bye................. (end)

how sweet can the customer be. omg. just made my day. =D

______

dinner at PS Pizza Hut

headcount: lena, hamizah, weeleng, yinxin and me !

endless talking, eating and talking ! hahaha was fun..

earlier on was kinda affected by things at work, but after meeting them, much light hearted eh.

after a heart dinner, heard weeleng wanna go compasspoint to buy the bag she wanted. SHOCKED* alright kicking a fuss here. hahaha.

accompany weeleng to buy her bag.

ate icecream ! -.- who cares abt the saga abt dairy products. HA !

gosh. noe quite a alot from weeleng. that's pretty cool.

and here im.. sleepyhead..

gdnite ppl. =)

-each time i say 'i miss you' , i mean it ' =) ' -

2008-09-22T22:24:00.002+08:00

flu non-stop for wks.
nose bled occasionally.
-.-
Mm..

met up with bro(brandon), jazzlin and marvin.
crap, eat, crap and eat.
my bro is forever charismatic.
guess some gals like him?
hahaha. =x
fifth wks of attachment alr.
fast/slow?
if only today = fri..
but too bad, tmr gotta work.
if not we could have gathered for a longer time.
jazz can wear home clothes to work.
-.- envious of u can.

im bushed.
gdnite ppl.

-if only negative moments had nv occurred-

2008-09-20T21:24:00.001+08:00

clubbing and boozing can be a nice way to destress.
joined in the fun ytd.
whatever troubles one might have, danced it away at the dancefloor.
i couldnt imagine me and my friends could play till morning as we had attachment.
once or twice i reckon it would be alright.
but not too often eh cos i was so drained up aft whole night clubbing.
i was still in bed when i sms-ed ' =) '
and was damn hungry.
9.39pm now.
couldnt reach ' =) '
did i make u angry/upset again?
sorry. =(
___

sigh seriously i need a job.
f**king irritated by something.
well, we shall see.

-sit down quietly by my side, enjoy the sunset and seaview, and breeze blowing gently on our faces. Bliss =) -

2008-09-11T23:15:00.005+08:00

the car tires screeched to halt.
right beside my legs.
i looked up from my hp, took out my ear piece, and retreated.
'almost no tmr for me eh..' i thought to myself.
_

lights off.
lanterns and candles everywhere.
enjoying Raffles Hotel mooncakes and tea and played guessing games with colleagues.
cool.
there might be a KTV session going on.
Mmm..
gonna make an effort in asking and meeting friends out.
=D
chilling on sunday seems gd..
hopefully bro and janice can make it.
NO MORE REJECTIONS PLEASE !
hahaha.
aiyaaa enough said. in short, just meet up !!
-
HAHAHAHA !!
talking to yiting is really fun.
she's really adorable and is someone whom im comfortable to be with.
brighten up my day.
=D
ehh guess she likes monkey.
opps =x
shall grab her and rq for dinner.
=DD
(edited 12.42am )

Super.man 10 - says:
i gt one hk colleague sitting behind me
Lyt> Change it, Accept it says:
now?!
Super.man 10 - says:
......
WHAT THE
..............hahaha
no
Lyt> Change it, Accept it says:
LOL!
-
-ehh does anyone likes lame excuses? hate to be kept in the dark-

2008-09-09T21:54:00.001+08:00

how does it feel when u punch damn hard on the wall?
it feels gd yeah..
just that i cant move my right hand now.
hahahaha !

-dun try this at home? hahaha-

2008-09-08T23:52:00.003+08:00

i hugged my eeyore and cried. =(

-if i walk away and just let u leave, u'll be stuck in my head just like a melody- 11.55pm

2008-09-05T16:07:00.019+08:00

today just post some pics 1st.. shall upload more soon.. =)

_________________LINGERIE AND THEFT____________

___________________________________________________________________

PICTURE DAY @ SHOWFLAT !

she's Miss HongKong (my colleague)

Joan(another colleague) finds it too 'scary'.. hahaha !

showering..?? erm well..

yup definitely constipation

whatttteverrr...

i told Joan this pic seemed very commercial. some skinproduct/watch ads..

indeed we are from Advertising & Promotions Department. LOL !

best picture of the day ! it's way too hilarious.

we asked the professional photographer to take this for us. how cool eh. damn silly alright. HAH !

lame.. just plain silly action..

dumb eh.. haha.. i took this !

gosh thought i upload quite a few and Joan's pic is missing. somehow missed out some leh.. Mmm shall post it soon. =)

-i wish to 'delete' those ppl i detest in my life.-
-and i've tons of things wanna say to u-

2008-09-01T22:36:00.002+08:00

supposed to wake up at 615. woke up at 7 instead.
head spinning and still feeling feverish. haywire.
cant take it during lunchtime, popped few pills like nobody's biz.
met up with bpf, bpf'sis, tiff, mark, ignatius, ignatius' godbro for beancurd.
went for proper meal after that.
bpf and tiff realized i was kinda emo.
hah.
mind drifted to somewhere else. thought i was quite fit in with u guys which apparently not when i was being emo eh.
gonna watch movie with colleagues tmr.
gonna make my whole wk fully packed.
4th is coming.....
sigh.
trains of thought kept running thru my mind.
im almost shattered.
i wanna slp forever and nv wake up.

-crying like a kiddo now-

2008-08-31T23:49:00.004+08:00

janice, u're really a darling to me but i wont like u yea. =P
do take care alright.
hearty chat with u. =)
meet up soon and shall chill tgt.
i miss you !!

to ' =) '
-i'll learn and try to take care of myself alr. cos im afraid, im afraid that u wont wanna take care of me anymore.... and whenever im not feeling well, i'll be reminded of the time u came to my hse and acc me. if time could pause, i wish i'll nv gt well and u will always lie down beside me... but im just a fool who kept doing/asking those stupid things. i really wish i'll nv gt well so that i could gain ur concern again..-

2008-08-28T20:53:00.005+08:00

sweet wed. =)

TODAY.
3men pinned down on one guy..
legs interlocked, arms interlocked, whatever nonsense..
typical aunties were still oblivious about the surrounding as they continue to search and dig for their fav lingerie which might be on sale.

A picture of what had mentioned above was shown to me by one of my colleagues who practically dashed out of our office the moment info counter called them and said there was commotion.
Theft case.
But the highlight was not the theft case that matter to us. It's those aunties who still braved their lives ransacking the whole load of lingerie and straightaway i burst out into laughter for what i thought was a funny scene. Gosh. The thief might be armed eh. Mm.. shall upload the picture another time.

Been up to my neck but enjoyable cos colleagues are amicable and they always try to involve me in their discussion though most of the times im clueless. they would explain, joke, eat,bitch and etc. haha. Oh yeah we gonna eat prawn noodles next wk upon going down to condo showflat. =)
and they asked me to guess their age and blahblah.. i told Ms HongKong (pretty hongkonger sitting right behind me) that on the 1st day i felt that she resembled a Hongkong celebrity, joey( Rong Zu Er). And yeah, turned out she's from HK.

Manager: No one is perfect. Sometimes we will see ugly side of ppl, but still there will be gd side too. however, if u cant see the gd side of them, well too bad and just stay away....
(yeah, they always joke ard but they've really taught me numerous things in how they actually handle interpersonal rs. who knows, i might be serious in joining this dept in future. =D )

- '=) ' i shall sing lullaby to u every night -

2008-08-25T23:24:00.002+08:00

11.24pm

first day of IPP..
Mm colleagues are consider nice..
the way the co functions is kinda ok too..
One word: Flexibilty
as long as one doesnt overstretch the limit of the rule, it will still be alright to bend it a lil sometimes.
reasons being: need not really dress formal, just pretty handsome smart looking will do. in office, shoes can be changed to flipflops. feel free to go down to cold storage for drinks and snacks and etc etc etc.. NO SINGLISH/MANDARIN/DIALECT THERE! everyone speaks fluent eng.
articulation and pronounciation = thumbs up ! as in there isnt a rule stating that YOU MUST SPEAK ENG but everyone does that. Cool right. =)
then still can listen to songs while working. PERFECT ! hahaha..

so yup hopefully everything will be alright. smooth smooth 10wks. =)
tiring day. but time really flies ! oh yeah, gotten myself 2 contemporary formal wear. hee.
whatever whatever whatever.. im tired now.. off to bed soon eh.. as if im back to sec sch life, slp early. hahaha.

-u still sneaked up on my thoughts despite a packed schedule today =) -

2008-08-25T01:07:00.002+08:00

1.07am - 2.09am
few more hours to IPP..

aint not prepared/ready/enough rest..
but that's life..
gonna meet BPF after work.. =)

sunday was sucha perfect day to slp at home.
but, i was out for whatever reasons.
gonna meet up all with my long-time-no-see friends during IPP.
gonna read more -> (find me at orchard kinokuniya? hahaha) and exercise more -> (my idol shall be my goal !)
HAHAHA !

went shopping alone. tired and lonely.
searching for formal shoes but .. =(
met up with my 2 pretty girlfriends !!
been such a long while since the last outing.
how i wish time could pause for me but it didnt.
their presence somewhat managed to curb my imagination from running wild.
=) see u guys on fri !

oh yeah, i saw this paragraph somewhere and it goes like this:
'It's hard to get together. due to some factors it lead to changes, to tiff, to break and etc.
and one would find it foolish to part as there were times being so close and thought one have moved on, in fact no. remorseful fills in, reminisce is what one could do now. but, what's the point when in the first place both should solve and reason thing(s) out? keyword: regret is not the word wanted. '

- 'should i? ' hah.. -

2008-08-22T22:54:00.002+08:00

Growing up..

i've begin to lose thing(s) slowly.

in fact, i've alr lost many things.

-hold my hand and comfort me please-

2008-08-03T23:36:00.002+08:00

picture that depicts blissful looks - me and you

let's get it soon....

-11.40pm doing work and thinking of u at the same time. =)-

2008-08-01T22:46:00.002+08:00

an impromptu stayover at shijin's house.
31th july 2008

walked to the place - 10mins
walked the dog - an hour
bathed
comics - 2 books of short series
dozed off - 10mins
woke up again - needa acc shijin for the proj
officially turned in - 330am
i told her i like the pillow and the bed - comfy
slept soundly i suppose
load off my mind cos i've friend slping right beside me
woke up - 615am
but dragggggggggged on till 630am
hahaha both of us just couldnt wake up
it's nice - went to sch with friend
talked on the phone aft rehearsal
batt gone flat
plenty of pointers exchanged
amazing.amusing.shocking.

[wonderful experience]

shh.. all of a sudden tiredness eats in - 11.16pm

ALL THE BEST TO ENTREPRENEURSHIP DAY ! GOOD LUCK TO YOU GUYS !

2008-07-31T01:16:00.002+08:00

song and lyric - easiest way to convey the message

If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I'll never make it on my own.
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright, When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes, I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise, When you look me in the eyes.

How long will I be waiting,
To be with you again
Gonna tell you that I love you,
In the best way that I can.
I can't take a day without you here,
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.

More and more,
I start to realize,
I can reach my tomorrow,
I can hold my head high,
And it's all because you're by my side.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When I hold you in my arms
I know that it's forever
I just gotta let you know
I never wanna let you go
Cause when you look me in the eyes.

-sweetest-

2008-07-28T02:16:00.009+08:00

POL-ITE. ITE won the championship.

number 9 player..

drained up her energy.. number 11 player is awesome too..

celebrating her bday.. best gift must be the championship they won..

number 9 player's skill is really gd.. small frame yet tough in defending opponents..

upcoming competition will be ITE intercollege match. *twist*

thanks sf for the pics. - 2.15am-

2008-07-26T00:45:00.002+08:00

25 July

POL-ITE FINAL

simply awesome.
RP versus ITE.
nv seen both teams could have same score that frequently.
but in the end the score was 56 for RP and 60 for ITE.
damn cool.
waves of screaming and shouting to show support for each team.
total craziness !

ITE NUMBER 9 player. impressive.
her birthday on this day.
i wished her.
and find her.. mm...
hahahaa !

watching them playing was simply an enjoyment.
the team spirit shown. MVP appearing.
unless u watch the match, it's hard to say it all.
hahahaha.
ended perfectly. thumbs up.
POL-ITE POL-ITE POL-ITE POL-ITE POL-ITE !! :D
___________________________

' =) '
i hope that God will look aft u when im not by ur side.
i cherish every min that i have with u.
u're just part of my life alr.
using the amount of raindrop on thurs to imply my liking for u.
it has nv lessen at all.

-thurs and fri memories etched in my mind-

2008-07-19T02:35:00.006+08:00

Cause I want you

and I feel you

crawling underneath my skin

Like a hunger, like a burnin

to find a place I've never been

-fonder and fonder..- 3.01am

2008-07-17T01:46:00.002+08:00

POL-ITE 2008
(Polytechnics versus ITE)

basketball players were so agressive. they bumped each other, offensive and defensive, tried all means to zero in the basket and etc. some showed sportsmanship, some are not at all.

my health condition has been deteriorating. but aft watching the match, i believe bball/sports still invigorate me. my friend told me that if one is able to enter into POL-ITE, it means that those are top-notch players. either they are from singapore team or they had participated in major competitions b4.

initially i thought the best player i've ever seen would be my idol. however the match was really an eye opener for me. there are numerous gd players out there vying and exceling the high bar that they set. no doubt ITE players are really excellent. no reserve for energy, they just go for it.. thumbs up ..

match was held at RP. gosh the place is really beautiful and huge. sigh 3rd yr in nyp alr..... HAHAHA ! my friend, yu, was like dancing when she played this song - feedback. faint. for goodness' sake, at RP u noe .. luckily it was dark and late at night.. ahahha bet nobody can recognise la huh.. yu, my idol still shine ok.. hahaha.. hope for more of sucha event.. =)

-bball, volleyball, swimming..........excites me -

2008-07-14T00:23:00.004+08:00

sang this song in front of jazz and mingzhu. they were so hyper initially but aft listening they became so emo and said they were touched by the way i sang the song. hahaha !
i especially love these 2 parts of the lyric..

1) 我怀念的是无话不说我怀念的是一起做梦
我怀念的是争吵以后还是想要爱你的冲动 (this part endeared me)

2)我放手我让座假洒脱谁懂我多么不舍得 (this part too !)
太爱了所以我没有哭没有说

-for those who dun really understand chinese song, listen to the melody. it's real nice. =) imsuchasilly-

2008-07-08T23:27:00.002+08:00

mingzhu and jazzlin - a very big thanks to u guys for looking aft me when i was in sucha bad health condition today. deeply appreciated.

Janice - I LOVE YOU ! i do miss the heart to heart talk with u. always available for u on msn ! =)

' =) ' - =)

- im prepared for the worst -

2008-07-07T23:05:00.002+08:00

'do i sneak up on ur thoughts ? '
u said sometimes.

sometimes, i anticipate ur sms.
and now im really yearning for u.
the sense of yearning is so strong that it leads me to cry.
at times, dreams that seemed so real simply jerk me from my less-than-few-hours sleep
do u noe how badly i miss u?
i may appear to be nonchalant but nobody understands what's going thru my mind.

miss the initial feeling when i looked thru previous messages.
i have yet fulfilled anything that i had promised u.
always, i have lots wanna share with u.
and yet on the other hand im worried that i might be a disturbance/nuisance to u.
i guess.. i have hurt u, let u down, upset u or whatever undesirable actions u guys can think of..
shouldnt harp on it anymore? it just takes time..

i muster up so much courage to say/ask the first thing and in the end i have to muster up courage to say i respect ur decision, let's be friends.

things have not been easy for me.
mood and emotion can fluctuate anytime.
but no worries, optimism still stay with me.
just that i always and still have lots of questions unanswered.

but i really wish to re-enter into ur world....

2008-07-06T01:25:00.002+08:00

If you didn't know, you're the only thing that's on my mind.

- what else can keep me going ? -1.32am

2008-07-04T01:08:00.002+08:00

one month alr.
and it's only one month.
i wont blame, wont hate, wont bear grudges..
there's no right/wrong in rs.
just find it a pity.
i once said, if one day u realize u do have feeling for me, please tell me.
and i have lost u b4 i could even hear u say that.
but thankfully we still remain as friends.
no matter what, u will still have a place in my heart.
=)

2008-07-01T20:55:00.002+08:00

8.55pm

Whatever it takes lyric - Lifehouse

To ' =) '

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that
I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes
She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better
But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

- this lyric seems to describe my feeling now. ' =) ' i really really like you and sometimes i hate myself for hurting you -

2008-06-30T23:57:00.006+08:00

3am tue
i noe i suck.. im not a good lover.. i disappoint u..
but.. im still learning.. still learning to give u the best that i could..
please believe me..
i wanna keep u by my side..
please acc me to go thru this..
___

11.57pm mon

' =) '

lyric by jay sean- maybe

Beep Beep oh look now there goes my phone
And once again im just hoping its a text from you..mm..
It aint right read ur messages twice thrice
Four times a night its true
Everyday I patiently wait
Feeling like a fool but I do, anyway
Nothing can feel as sweet and as real
Cuz I know that I wasn't waiting in vain..

And maybe its true Im caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance your stuck on me too
So maybe im wrong
Its all in my head
Maybe we're afraid of words we both haven't said

Im always connected online
Looked on my Facebook all the time
Hoping you've Checked my profile
Just can't help wondering why,You play it cool
but,I'm hopelessly falling for you, Every night on the phone
I'm..In love with you, and I know you like it

Like I really want you,I think I need you,Baby I miss you,I'm thinking of you Baby I miss you...

2008-06-30T02:17:00.002+08:00

2.14am

disappointed?
yes, maybe
happy things always seem to end fast
but by grasping it each time
happiness forms
i do wish that time would have paused at the wonderful moment
then i wont have to keep reminiscing
prolong my happiness can?
__

' =) '
28june
1st time felt that we are ___
i smile when i think of it..
do you?

-it sucks to be kept in the dark-

2008-06-28T01:42:00.005+08:00

feeling blissful now.

A Moment Like This - Leona Lewis

check out the lyric. Nice.. =)

2008-06-25T23:40:00.003+08:00

lessons learnt today

Shall not be a nosey parker
results outcome depend 90% on oneself
one can be happier if choose not to be too persistent
one should take care, unwind and make time for loved ones
lastly, one should ransack irfaan's bag to discover treasure inside. HaHaHa !

irfaan, i didnt noe u would still rem wad i said though i think that it's just a passing remark.
today. had a short yet meaningful time with u.
shall find one timing for us to catch up with each other online. =)
how i wish u could hear me out now though i noe the reason why u cant online.. 11.45pm..
take care la big bully..

- proj time again.. sigh.. -

2008-06-24T23:18:00.003+08:00

11.18pm

' =) '

heart wrenching upon reading ur blog.

the sweets = bringing u lil happiness everyday

i really hope it works..

the watch = im thinking of u every now and then.. like u more, concern u more.

i dunno why though i felt a slight difference alr.. but still even as a fren i would really wanna lend u my listening ear.

contact me anytime.. anytime..

- rather u cry in front of me, so that i can wipe ur tears away, console u, and when u're tired out after crying u can lean on my shoulder to slp -

2008-06-24T02:34:00.001+08:00

Mmm.. 2.25am

Dont Love You No More (Im Sorry) - Craig David

2008-06-23T01:39:00.004+08:00

1.40am

I LOVE SURPRISES, DO YOU?

___

' =) '

if only i could really kill that dumbass for you..

dun be so angry ok..?
cos i noe u dun get angry easily..
but now..
think u're feeling indignant now.. that's wad i think..
i dare not talk to you..
chill uh..

oh ya.. let me be ur deliveryman.. and escort too..

should noe wad i mean eh.. =)

- hey lil boy, it's time to stop being a harum-scarum youth ! -

2008-06-20T22:32:00.002+08:00

doing work at ibrc today was nice.
ppl playing songs in the discussion room.
was enjoying the songs while doing work.
slept awhile.
woke up by hp vibration.
packed bag.
went to town.
walked aimlessly.
dun wanna make it seemed like a wasted trip,
purposely in search for new ear stud.
bought one anyway.
plenty of things in my mind vying to get my attention
but they just clashed.
had headache. heartache.
vision blurred as eyes brimmed with tears.
dumb.

picked up a book abt horoscope at kinokuniya.
read thru.
kinda true.
hah.
wanna find somewhere to sit down and enjoy my meal.
far east to Taka to cineleisure.
crowded.
cant be bothered to eat alr.
walked to PS.
nth happening.
went home.

-if the crowds are power rangers in grp, then im a lone ranger standing alone -

2008-06-19T23:42:00.003+08:00

alright.. initially i dun wanna 'dirty' my blog by saying all these.. but im now in a fuckin' bad mood over fuckin' proj issues..

MY HANDPHONE HAS GOT PROB. SOMETIMES I CANT ANSWER PHONE CALLS.

im not the ONLY member in the group. at any time u can contact the rest instead.
you dun have to tell the 3rd party that oh you had called me at least 8times.. and you were damn pissed off.. and as if im not pissed off for shouldering so much workload due to passive members..

why cant you just leave me a msg ? if possible i will get back to u soon. oh ya im ALWAYS ONLINE AT MSN. i see u online too. So.. i dun see any prob just becos u cant reach me thru calling.. and for god's sake.. i have been doing proj since morning.. and seriously im on the rack..

i bet you dunno there's a slight change in terms of who's the leader.. i should say it's me and brandon who share the position.. but if any of you who wanna take over the position, im absolutely fine with it. becos it doesnt matter to me.. as long as works are done.. that's that..
oh.. kinda amused too.. u can even criticise ur own fren behind her back. well done.

- ' =) ' im fortunate to have u. im taking it in my stride. -

2008-06-18T23:57:00.002+08:00

11.59pm

dunno wad's wrong with me..
feeling cold always..
not feeling very well either.. =(
eileen was nice to me.
she put the shawl ard my neck saying it would provide me some warmth.
thanks.
seriously.. i wanna find jacket..
black jacket with rainbow coloured strips/patterns..
help me look out ppl.. thx..
die hard wanna find such jacket..
=)

wandering ard again..
went to J8..
wanted to find something to eat..
but in the end i came back to sengkang for food.
-.-
drizzling it was..
i walked in the rain..
eating sushi with pearl milk tea..
how unusual.. hahah..
saw one dog in the lift..
seemed like it wanna say something..
hahah.. cute..
____

' =) '
i listened to u.. i gt myself something to eat..
if only i gt the ability to extend hours for u..
then u will have ample time to rest, work, play..
i think i dun just hurt my legs..
i damaged my brain too..
SHORT TERM MEMORY !
so much wanna say but forgot..
hahah..
sigh i can only ask u to take care of urself..
i also can take care of u la..
hee..

-i miss playing volleyball at sentosa.. -

2008-06-18T00:04:00.002+08:00

12.03am

nice.. life has been 'nice' to me.. damn nice..
ytd scalded my hand.
getting fuckin' nonsense from some ppl.
just now almost met an accident.
nice.
why not just one straight 'bang' ..
THE END ..

one fren asked abt my hand.. another fren asked abt the accident..
but..
sigh...

thanks: kwangjing. =D
___

- 我什么都不要你知不知道若你懂我这一秒 -

2008-06-17T02:00:00.003+08:00

1.59am

something similar : couple watch, eeyore

anticipating: beach, shopping, dinner..

i wont give up

any idea how much i adore u ?

-shivering-

2008-06-15T01:06:00.004+08:00

1.06am

sometimes i just wish to spend more time with u.
but dumb dumb proj keep us occupied.
and we have not been chatting for quite sometime too.
u have been unwell.
that's why dare not hold up too much of ur time.
there's still a lil fear, a lil confusion n a lil uncertainty..
that's why pardon me for being immature n selfish..
becos i dunno in wad capacity should i be concerning abt u? in my capacity as a ....?
i gt so much things/plans in mind wanna share with u..
i dun wan anything to be ur burden..
im supposed to bring u rainbow..
provide lil shelter n secure for u..
pray that u will be fine..
please please.. do rest more n work less..
take the vitamins i bought for u..
take care..
gd nite..
' =) '

-wadever u said to me, be it on msn or sms, replay in my mind daily- ' =) '

2008-06-14T01:05:00.004+08:00

reminisce those days i had aft dismissal from bsu.
bball, jogging, slacking n watching ppl played bball were things we used to do..
yishun. watched the pro bball players having match.
'towel fight' was something we played with april all the time.
yu has always been friendly to me when we just gt to noe each other. long time no see u la.. meet up soon alright? =)
gt to noe alot of steady n nice ppl.
steff,bekah,yu,xiaobai,penguin,jes,xiaohong,april,beryl,punggol,xinli,isabelle and many more...
really miss u guys..
used to be my motivation to look forward for each day..
my bsu team noe that i always slp in the room cos i was so tired playing sports at night..
but i really enjoyed it.. life turned meaningful at that point of time..
we shared wonderful moments.. chatting and enjoying each other's company.. playing our fav bball.. trained ourselves to be the best..

but now.. back to square..
busy with proj.. proj.. and more proj..
i was so tired.. and it was nv meaningful.. becos wadever i do, i noe it is mainly for grades..
aint happy at all..
ppl fought, quarrelled, worn out, fed up,selfish and wadever ugly side of nature being shown becos of proj..

(lyric that came across my mind..)
Somebody who can be there when I need someone to talk to
I'm looking for someone who won't pretend
Somebody not afraid to say the way they feel about you
And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel
Someone who can keep me real and who knows the way
The way I like to have my way

-learn to be more compassionate, understanding, sensitive, considerate n a lil bit of selflessness.. the world can once again be colourful..though easier said than done..-

2008-06-10T22:13:00.004+08:00

caught in traffic jam.
damn late for video watching for PR.
bus accident.
got off from the bus.
walked from ST Electronics to Motorola company to Apple company then to NYP.
approximately.. an hr.
half dead when i reached sch.
just my luck.
SIGH !!
__

my lil rainbow =)
time n chance for us to be tgt are not that much.
busy.
sigh.
loathes to be alone. loathes to be at home.
where can i go..?
mm..
i noe u're tired..
but sometimes i wish that we can gt tgt as much.
im selfish.
sorry.
but ur presence chase my fear away.
serious.
Now, 10.22pm.
heavy downpour.
im thinking of u.
i dun feel good.
im feeling very cold.
u noe wad i wan u to do when im feeling cold right?
though i noe it's pretty hard eh.

i wonder, did u miss me? =)

2008-06-10T00:22:00.003+08:00

No matter how many obstacles / challenges / barriers

I will still adore u

everything will be fine

2008-06-08T00:52:00.002+08:00

wed.
did something.
=)
my frens..
commented that im much cheerful now.
commented that ' =) ' is much worthwhile.
' =) ' u r just my lil rainbow..
sat.
shop with frens.
they said:

why i kept sms-ing
kept smiling
' =) ' seems to be a nice person
me n ' =) ' share almost similar character
gd luck n all the best to me

if only u were with me. HA my frens still said i would value u more than them. mayb would leave them behind n walk with u. im not such a person eh. i will balance everything eh. haha.. you're the best part of my day.. =)

____

to yu: pls pls pls .. be strong .. hope that u r really fine.. i dunno how to console but just wish that everything's fine.. pls dun think that ur life is aimless n u r nth.. jiayou ok? dun really wan to see u so shag...

2008-06-02T00:36:00.003+08:00

mon 12.36am

been having gastric.. it just sucks big time
no choice..
=(
____

my mummy

intend to give me extra cash but i rejected
intend to cook on mon but i cant make it

out of the blue my mummy wanna cook. but she seemed disappointed when i indirectly told her i couldnt eat dinner at home. im so sorry. i felt useless when she wanna give me extra cash for she thought that i might not have enough to spend. im still not financially independent. =(

really proud of her. =)

____

watch: choose not to say anything as it isnt an appropriate time. but im always ready to listen. hope u can feel safe n secure. can always be ur lil shelter with sun and rainbow. dun gt so disoriented for wadever it bothers u. im always here for u.

gd nite ppl..

2008-05-30T23:19:00.002+08:00

Whatever it is..

ur lil gesture just made my day.

2008-05-29T22:44:00.003+08:00

woodlands back to sk.
one granny stopped the bus by walking in the middle of the road.
she took the bus.
approached me.
she said she's afraid that the bus driver dun get wad she mean
thus she asked me for the direction instead.
cos she said me n her are cantonese speaking.
I DUN EVEN NOE HOW SHE DETERMINES WHETHER IM CANTONESE SPEAKING OR NOT.
HAHAHAHAHA !!
ironically throughout the whole journey she didnt speak to me in cantonese.
-.- !!
she thx me n said im a kind person repeatedly for umpteen times.
=)

- can anyone tell me wad's going on ? -

2008-05-27T00:44:00.002+08:00

ignorance is bliss. is that so?
technology has been so convenient that by just a click one can check everything out.
chanced upon certain things.
r U 100% sure abt the character?
i hope U can slap urself for writing that.
i dun even understand why i would even shed tears for u.
kinda dubious abt ur character once again.
whoohoo trying to be oblivious ?
I EXIST and this is the fact.
now, SLAP myself hard .
i dun deny i will still get emo.
but for whoever's sake im gonna stand up.
appreciate frens who support me.
i can pretend too. =)
i can be oblivious too. =)
so wad's the point ultimately?
need not go to the extent.
i aint no fool.
just that the reality is damn harsh n i need some time to stay clear minded.

i really love this phrase.. "Dun Pretend You Know My Story" by Steff..

character can be similar but not thinking. U taught me this.

'No air' by jordin sparks & chris brown came to my mind. Mmm..

2008-05-23T23:49:00.007+08:00

yesterday..

went to cck with jk to do work. cher came aft that.

cher asked me out of mac for a talk.

she is really a sweet person.

cos in sch she asked me alr.

but i cant bring myself to talk abt the matter yet.

was given some advices n gonna try it out.

clarify beats emo-ing alone at a corner.

yup. i noe.

my emo thing is really getting into me.

affected me to work, to think..

i dun like it either.

but i believe when mon comes, i will be alright..

stay over at cher's place.

cant really slp though i was tired.

watched some shows trying to make myself laugh.

met jazz at 11am .. but was late.. sorry..

went to library n finished at 7pm plus..

while doing work, out of sudden jazz said that this song suits me n __

title is " wo yi zhi dou zai " (meaning - i am still here)

check out the lyric.. is really nice..

yvonne joined us for dinner at jurong.

jazz..out of sudden asked me dun smoke.. -.- !!

took train back to sengkang..

with blurred vision?

songs can really explain all. the lyric or title or melody just suit my mood..

weekends coming again..
mon approaching soon..
dun feel like going to sch on mon..
but must hand in proj.. cant leave jazz in lurch..

***

i noe i suck !

i didnt noe i can really really pissed ppl off..

"just let go"

sounds easy?

under tremedous pressure.. u notice?

definitely no ..

i dun even understand why u sound so mean n hostile.

i rather u r the one who sees me emo-ing than anyone else who noticed it..

i was still hoping for the best when cher talked to me..

when the whole world thinks that u r this n that, i still chose to believe that u r just u..

do u really mind wad others really think of u/us?

i noe i cant be ur option.. nv can be..

but the least i wanted from u is just a lil care n concern..

appreciate me a bit more.....

please..

2008-05-21T22:50:00.003+08:00

we were just an arm length distance, but our eyes did not meet..

gonna use songs to explain it all..

thx BPF.. =)

abstain from r/s?

HAHAHAHA

-better in time- it's gonna hurt when it heals too..

2008-05-20T23:59:00.006+08:00

"i can give up the world becos of u. in the end i cant get u n evetually i lost the world .."

Albert K. Brown

I'm looking for a lover not a friend
Somebody who can be there when I need someone to talk to
I'm looking for someone who won't pretend
Somebody not afraid to say the way they feel about you

And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel,
Someone who can keep me real and who knows always
Baby I like to have you in my way
And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,
Wants to share, shows he cares
Thinking on the one that I've been waiting for

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me? (Could you be?)
Could you be the one I need?

I'm looking for someone to share my pain (Uh)
Someone who I can run to, who would stay with me when it rains
Someone who I can cry with trough the night
Someone who I can trust who's hardest right
And I'm looking for someone

And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel,
Someone who can keep me real and who knows always
Baby I like to have you in my way
And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,
Want to share, shows he cares
Thinking on the one that I've been waiting for

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be this one I need?

Take for grant
How much I care (How much I care)
And appreciates that I'm there
Someone who listens
And someone I can call who isn't afraid of thought to share

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

2008-05-18T01:52:00.003+08:00

been thinking n thinkin n thinking..
my brain, just like a player;rewind n forward n rewind n forward some issues
i've been thinking so much, too hard n having headache..
if only i could stop this.......
slap myself hard on my face !
__ is damn right abt me..
i've thought of the 'alternatives' but didnt carry out.
that's true..
im trying to be like a leader in World War who's an idealist..
but who m i to have imitated his style?
Me, just a nobody n of no value to whoever is making use of..
the pressure n tension made me suffocated.
absolute frankness knocked some sense into me.
but any idea how hard i must muster up my courage to face this?
im stupid.
once bitten, twice shy.
bitten not just once.. doesnt mean i dun learn my lesson..
can i quit this game ?
adrenaline just keep gushing in any way it likes in my body..
causing heart to ache occasionally, headache, nauseous n sometimes almost forgot to breathe..
corny? how can one forget to breathe? it's a voluntary respiratory but when one get so drained, nth can be 100% sure.
'wad does not kill me, makes me stronger. how sure? ' saw this somewhere..
true enough.
nth kills me. im still kicking n alive. but im aint any stronger.
it just takes time to heal. however b4 getting heal thoroughly, im hurted n affected badly again.

i just wish that God can hear me pray..

sunday 2.27am now.. pretty late .. hope i can slp .. gd nite ppl..

2008-05-17T00:39:00.002+08:00

unable to breathe n think aft receiving someone's call..
i was really worried.. cos i felt that __ might shoulder everything alone.. despite might cry or upset or wadever.. __ just wont choose to say out.. somehow i knew something was rather amiss upon the unexpected call..

i dun even think that the guy takes u as fren anymore.. i'm really disappointed for wad i saw in front of my laptop.. the impact is so strong that it almost pushed me to stop breathing n heart stop beating..
know nuts abt the fact? wad u have to do is to SHUT THE FUCK UP !
dun bombard anyone with nonsense as it's totally unfair !
im really flustered out now.. now.. seriously..
i gt tons to tell __ .. but afraid that i will burden on ..

emotional wreckage.. me n __ are undergoing now..

no matter how strong the person appears to be.. he/she can be so weak that he/she can just shattered in anytime.. my heart is really aching like hell.. aching on ___ behalf, aching for wadever reasons.. i understand the word 'ANXIETY' .. im in a state that's more than anxiety..
i feel like rushing down the __ place.. cant take it anymore.. but i dunno the situation for __ ..
torment.. why must we go thru such thing.. thought "rainbow" for us.. at least that's wad i thought.. i just wish that God can see us thru.. as i have no strength to carry on like tis..

my feeling now? useless .. naive.. dumb..
if i can fall into comatose n really 'rest well' ...................

2008-05-13T23:59:00.002+08:00

13 may, tue..

rainbow ! colourful ! i supposed everything is back to normal ? =)
felt kinda bad towards lena.. shouldnt have taken the seat beside her..
i have my unusual way of saying hi to ppl.. so i hit on sab's arm lightly to say hi..
so i bet sj saw n said wth was i doing.. LOL.. well thx for always taking the initiative to icebreak.. =)
ehh that ms joanne chua.. dunno how to comment on her can.. wad i was being kidnapped n nobody wan.. walao.. idiot can.. haha.. lame !
aft lec me n sj bickering over my bag ! funny right.. i let her win la.. just let her win.. hahaha.. =X
____

teacher: Lena
student: ME !!

why is the above status for?
haha..
CALCULUS !!
she taught me thru calculus today..
aft much teaching, we treated ourselves with sakae n arcade ! hahaha..
i went to her hse to do calculus tut..
loads of works r piling higher n higher..
getting tired alr..
i still believe in my own principle..
deep down in my heart i always take u as ___ fren..
i dun wan give any status cos i noe u dun like it too..
perhaps there is really no 'best fren forever'..
but i still believe if there is forever, best fren will still remain in this world.. =)
____

random qns:
has anyone wonder why one has been working so hard for?
wad is ur view in biz world?
is it possible to be urself ?

haha random qns prompt to u guys.. i've gtg.. slp.. gd nitess.. =)

2008-05-11T22:16:00.002+08:00

Happy Mother's Day !

no doubt it should be a joyous occasion to reward hardworking mums by treating them to a feast or buy them gifts or wadever that pls them.

however, i wondered if my grandma was happy while having dinner just now..

handful of ppl not attending.. guessed that's why she's kinda upset..

tis time round, my uncles were really not organized..

hopefully my grandma is feeling ok now.. =)

tumultuous torrent of thoughts invading into my mind without any hesitation..

late grandfather.. that's wad i had been thinking of..

i didnt noe i missed him so much..

that's y i always avoid recalling back..

grandfather used to talk to me alot.. cos i always visit grandparents on weekly basis..

that time uncles gt them domestic helper.. but grandfather was really unhappy with the maid.. so i listened to his grumbling..=)

i always listened attentively.. sometimes reluctantly..i noe im damn bastard ok..

i always wanna gt him something.. food or his fav sweets..

ya damn to my idiotic thinking 'ya next wk i can gt for him. next wk. next wk...'

'next wk' nv come again for grandfather..procrastinate somemore n im damn fuckin' regretted now..

i pray..

___

flu flu flu.. down with flu.. who the hell has been cursing me.. sigh..

feeling lethargic.. getting myself vit. C sooooon..

hey i wanna go explore some clubs.. JK intro me 'play'.. anyone? LOL..

plenty of things wanna state down but once again due to my short term memory , that's all for today..

gd nite ppl.. =)

2008-05-10T00:14:00.002+08:00

shunned me. the feeling i was having that time was exactly like how an impecunious child desperately grabbing money from the affluent ppl, desperately seeking for an answer.
having a lucid talk will be much better than taking the easy way out by shunning.
i can be callous in way of talking but im definitely an affable person.
smack down all the rooms for deluding, for it will just encourage more ppl being dilapidated.
discontinue all the dissonance pls. the art of 'elucidation' will be deeply appreciated.
im not a total obsequious person. reasonable one, yes i will listen.
___

legs aching.body aching.but none can compare to heart aching.
sch works n some issues that deluged into my life, disrupting it.
i always have the tendency to abscond from reality.
but i will still face the music ultimately.
___

hoping to dissect my brain to unload million n million of thoughts which r way too heavy to be even stored up there.
___

racing against wind was such a challenge, but i just ran aimlessly to numb myself with fatigue. =)

i pray.. gd nite ppl..

2008-05-09T00:45:00.002+08:00

chatted till 2am with _______ despite having lesson at 11am, thurs..
thx la .. held him up for chat due to my random qns..
we were both ended up yawning in class..
but appreciated it man.. =)

challenge for fri ..
5km run with my crazy fren (weini) again..
gosh.. like to push myself further.. but.. Mm.. shall try it out b4 saying no.. =)
impossible is nothing - adidas
i love the phrase !

___

thx for taking the 1st step..
kinda relieved..
____

1am, fri.. still didnt wan to slp.. chatting with irfaan is damn fun ! he lives up to his name, fun ! haha !! his chinese is gd lo.. better than mine.. LOL !!
he noe wad is fu yan, wei he..
he asked me to talk to him in mandarin n he talks to me in malay..
learning attitude of his is really there.. *thumbs up*

wooow it's getting late.. i better slp now.. regain energy for my run.. whoohoo !!

gd nite ppl.. take care.. pray to God.. =)

2008-05-05T01:44:00.002+08:00

ups n downs in life.. but im fortunate to have frens who stand by me always..

THANK YOU !

pohyee - im really touched by wad u said to me.. like seriously.. =)

kejia - my dear thx for ur concern on msn.. u too cheer up ! =)

huiyi - thx for ur sms =)

lifen - at least i noe u noticed me.. haha.. =)

sabirah - my lovely one.. always tolerate my craps n spend time listening to my stories ! =)

-i just thx u guys.. i dunno who else i have missed out.. sincerely thx -

=) =) =) smile to prevent wrinkles.. =D =D =D

i gonna love myself more from now onwards.. treat myself better..

2008-05-02T23:37:00.006+08:00

this is life.. this is reality..

wounded deeply.. felt as if a damn sharp knife had just stabbed straight into my heart.. helpless as i couldnt defend myself from the stab.. sinking into an ordeal of mental anguish again.. this time round was due to proj.. if im interested to see troubled or emo expressions, i can simply just pick up a mirror n look at it..

tear ducts had been active huh.. tears just rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably in front of my frens..

i dun prefer ppl to be pretentious.. im perfectly alright if u r honest with me.. dun beat ard the bush n in the end still trying so hard to get into everyone's gd book.. i felt disgusted each time i had to unravel the truth by myself.. fuckin' irritating..

nv doubt/underestimate one's competency n intelligence level.. seriously..

gonna make myself a proof..

why ?

-top student for bio-chem(Full marks)/chinese(97/100)/lit/pure geog/FNN/combined humanities before in sec sch..

-12points for O level..

-distinction student in CRM module..

(well well enough..dun wanna say all my results.. just a lil bit will do.. im not showing off or wad.. just dislike the fact that i was somehow being labelled as "DUMB ASS" .. it can be very provocative to show such thing but.. who cares?! )

going home with heavy load on my shoulders n heart..

emotion was kinda repaired by someone's call..

unexpected call..

shijin called..

well.. guessed she knew wad had happened..

she's my pillar of support..

imagine wad i had gone thru the fri morning till now..

just as i was feeling down n she called made me glad.. =)

just enjoy the way she talk to me.. really like to have conversation with her..im really touched by her action.. she just made my day.. =)

i cant simply use words to describe my feeling for her.. cos that instant thought n emotion r inexplicable feeling..

many thanks to these ppl as well..

-sabirah [sms me n asked if im ok.. yup im fine with u ard.. thx for telling me =) ]

-soek hiang [gave me tissue =) ]

-yiling [hear me out.. r u shocked ? haha pls dun alright.. ]

-jazzlin [listen n comfort me by acc me to dinner ]

-shijin [last but not least.. thx ]

-wad does not kill me, makes me stronger-

2008-04-29T21:31:00.004+08:00

Notice Me by NB RIDAZ

(heartaching)

(NB ridaz)Ohh I want to let you know

That I'll always love you baby

(Angie)Sometimes I think about

Everything that we've been through

And I pray that you would just open your eyes

(NB Ridaz)I love you (I love you baby, I love you to girl) I need you (I need you too)

So please don't throw our love away (forgive me girl, Don’t throw our love away)

(Nb ridaz)Since the day you and I snuck away to be alone

I knew from that night something special went on

It must have been the first kiss

You told me that nobody else in the world made you feel this

I felt the same way too but nothing stays the same

I'm sorry for the tears I'm sorry for the pain

You were the one that always made things right

I promise you this though you got a friend for life

Maybe one day we can try it again

And maybe things can be a little different

So lets just kiss and say goodbye

Cuz I really cant stand the pain of seeing you cry

(angie)I've given everything (given everything)

I loved you endlessly

But when it comes to me

You don't even notice me

I've given everything (yeah)

I loved you endlessly (oooh)

But when it comes to me

You don't even notice me

[i love this part sooo much by angie]

(NB ridaz)All that's mine is yours that's what I said

Treat you with love and respect in everyway

You wanted I gave you need me I was there

Now you treat me like if I'm not here

I love you and I need you don't want to let go

If you want somebody else please let me know

Can't take it no more I feel I'm dying inside

Is this the price I pay for handing you my life?

I know I'm not perfect but I truly care

So when you wake up one morning and I'm not there

Jus remember I loved you it will never be the same

Gave you everything and you threw it all away

(NB ridaz)I gave you my good and my bad My heart and my soul,

My trust my money my time, What more could you ask from a man

Even when times were hard I held out my arms and held you

Even accepted you through whatever weather

But now I'm feelin we're at the end of the road

Whatever we had now I got to let go

Nights like this I wish raindrops would fall

To cover my tears

Wishing I could replace all those wasted years

Of loving someone who couldn't love me back

And now again I got to start from scratch

But I know I've given you my everything

-like this song.. how true..-

2008-04-29T00:39:00.003+08:00

26 april saturday

watched Forbidden Kingdom @ Causeway Point

fantastic movie.. i would rate it 3.5 stars.. watched with sabirah n shijin..

"Gate of no gate" wad a name ! sabirah was like saying cant they even come up with better name? LOL.. there are always jokes of the movies.. applies to "The Leap Year" too.. haha !!

if anyone has not catch it, watch it now.. kinda worth it.. =)

in the midst of the movie, the grandma who sat behind me was talking loudly with her daughter in dialect.. zzz.. seriously liu yi fei's articulation is gd..as compared to jackie chan n jet li.. well well liu yi fei studied in overseas b4 for years.. that explained it.. =)

had dinner n hearty chat again.. i was really random in topics.. that's wad many ppl had commented.. wahaha.. cant help.. im fully of nonsense i should say.. LOL..

wish for more outings.. =)

28april monday

1st day of sch for yr 3

monday blue? i was rather pissed off by the warm weather cos i was perspiring profusely.. waited for more than 30mins for my bus to come.. the bus took million yrs to travel to nyp..

turned off by the photocopying shop aunty again ! if not for the lec notes, seriously i wont even take a second glance at her ok !! wad the hell..

but was back to normal mood when i saw a grp of familiar faces.. i dunno how to spell their names but really glad to see them.. saw many CSC ppl.. hahaha !! excited ..

1st lesson - MR TAN !! alright by all means laugh laugh laugh.. haha.. shijin still asked me how was the 1st lesson with MR TAN.. well.. no comments..

while waiting for my damn athletic fren (weini), i had a nice chat with shijin n jazz..

aft that i went to gym for warm up b4 running with weini.. 2km on threadmill, some mins on cycling n stepping up.. ran 2 rounds in stadium with weini for her warm up n campus route (2.4km) for actual run..

in total i guessed i ran more than 4km .. wonder where i gt my energy to run.. that crazy weini still ran campus route twice.. wad the.. aft that we still ran 1round in stadium for cooling down.. really exhausted.. but was perked up when she commented that my speed n stamina improved.. =) i was perspiring like the rate of water tap running on by itself..

amazed by gal's power ! weini can really run.. envy her.. i was even surprised that eve said she wanna swim n she went for it .. how cool ! sms __ n she replied.. seldom gt such instant reply.. contented =)

had dinner n ended my day just like this..

tue having joanne chua's lec.. wonder if i will slp.. =x

alright im bushed.. gd nite n swt dreams to all ppl..

-randomness-

2008-04-25T22:59:00.003+08:00

mayb this is for u..

viewing ur blog.. so much thoughts.. 'notice me' tis song came to my mind..

superman n eeyore r just pure coincidence..

being called as superman in bsu alr cos i wore the shirt..

like eeyore aft my fren gt me one..

wadever stated at ur blog match my liking n preference..

just pure coincidence..

perhaps u still cant gt over S..

of cos.. S is such an ideal lover..

candles n gift.. ur frens even helped S to bluff u..

gave u everything in 7.. how sweet..

i dun even noe wad i can give u..

but for serious.. my concern to u will be my 1st promise..

i told u abt the chalet thing on msn alr.. wanna give u hug as fren.. just to defend u from the cruelty of truth that u have been facing..

ytd n today rot at home.. keep thinking of u till i fall aslp again n again..

but i just noe so lil abt u..

-helpless..sink in an ordeal of mental anguish

2008-04-21T12:50:00.002+08:00

saturday

went to sabirah's chalet to celebrate her mum who received award.. congrats !

recently i keep doing all the BBQ thing.. haha fun la in fact..

then sabirah, shijin n joanne went to take cake..

i dunno how much is the cake.. but guess is kinda ex.. somemore im the one who helped in choosing.. must pay her.. =)

aft eating, the 4 of us had a gd chat.. random topics.. im always random.. HA..

surprisingly, shijin still remembered that i like to watch gore movie.. adore her !! HAHA..

joanne, remember wad i told u on msn? LOL.. nice to noe u guys.. =)

gt tis weirdo kept looking at joanne..

well, i had bottle in my hand.. HA..

while waiting for hammy's bro to come, we were like talking abt shijin's weight.. Mm.. cant really rem the exact thing that we were talking abt.. but i guessed the nearest weight.. so i was like saying shijin is MY GAL, i just need to hold her waist n i can estimate.. tis triggered them to laugh till they bent n shout (unbelievable that i would say that).. wad.. im joker u see.. LOL..

best part was that shijin helped to massage my shoulders..

i was really tired..

but we still played monopoly till 3am.. zZz..

no way that i could hang on any longer..

i slept beside joanne..

suddenly i mentioned the way me n joanne slp was like newly wed couple.. nervous..

HAHA.. gosh this triggered them to laugh again..

i laughed till i was half awake..

they said i was really sound aslp.. Mm..

breakfast with them n sabirah's mum n bro...

how i wish we can start our own chalet..

but yr 3 coming la.. idiot leh..

time machine.. can i buy? LOL..

movie n slping at shijin's hse on thurs.. whoo!! guys i will update u all alright on wad plan we gonna have on thurs.. =)

-happy-

2008-04-14T20:47:00.004+08:00

13 APRIL, EAST COAST

met hammy, rq, zhiwei n yiling at yck b4 taking bus to east coast. it took more than 1hr to reach there. pretty warm weather.. saw shujuan at the bbq pit and kinda catch up quite alot with her..

in the midst of bbq-ing, the rest went to somewhere that left me, rq and shujuan at bbq pit there.. aft they came back, the 3 of us went to restroom.. then when we went back, i heard them singing bday song with cake prepared.. gosh, i really gt many surprises for this yr.. really shocking..

-many sms & wishes from frens, gifts & cakes.. bro even sent me sms la.. haha..

thought i dun wanna gt tipsy as mentioned earlier on.. but since is my bday then i kinda heck care.. should go easy on Absolut but i kept topping up my cup.. even took some wadever alcohol from eve..i guess i blunt out my own thing that were not meant for certain ppl to noe.. damn alcholic drinks.. but i was not as 'high' as shang and eve.. ha.. these 2 crazy fellows were drinking so fast like no ppl's biz..

played 'truth or dare' and 'i've nv done..' games.. fun to have drinking session near beach and playing interesting games.. thrilling.. but vulnerability came into us the more we had our drinks.. i noe myself that i was pretty emotional that night too.. and i admit that i became daring in saying things that usually i didnt say.. so did the rest..zhiwei finished up the drink 1st.. hooray !!

continue drinking even when eve was knocked out and yiling sleeping in the tent.. shang n elle were sitting at the shore.. left me, hammy n rq at the bbq pit.. i talked more abt personal thing to them.. hope u guys r not shocked by wad i said regarding DBS Team alright? hammy n rq were like keep pressing me for ans.. gosh.. embarrassed ok.. guess i was crapping, abit too 'high' but definitely sober.. felt like puking n i noe i was liable for all tis.. blah.. finished the whole bottle of Absolut !! cheers !!

went to slp in the tent at 3am.. woke up at 6am.. some idiotic ppl took away our drinks during our slp.. they r soooo pathetic.. so me, rq, yiling n hammy wanna share cab.. so we took cab to woodlands n the 2 dropped off 1st.. went to causeway point for breakfast with rq.. tried out the latest mc griddles..

whole thing was pretty fun.. wonder when will we ever have such outing again.. haha..

2008-04-12T23:44:00.024+08:00

Yummy !!
wad the.....sooo random can... haha

taken by me !
Mmm.. Smug eh? LOL !!

alright i look retard.. LOL..

pose for the sake of posing.. haha
my frenship cheque !!
frenship cheque.. me, sj n sab gt it from jo!!
the 4 of us..
haha.. sabirah like to lean on joanne..
y shijin wanna squat down abit..? haha
DUN JUMP DOWN !!
HAHAHA!!
wad?! our..shoes..wadeva..
me n sabirah.. love this pic..

too bright of the flash..

haha sj is lying on the floor.. gosh !!

---
12 APRIL, 5PM, VIVO, SECRET RECIPE

went to dinner with joanne and sabirah..
i thought joanne was late so me n sabirah went to shop at bookstore 1st..
joanne handed me ADIDAS BAG as present for me.. !! LOL..

when we were seated down at secret recipe, i realized there was no menu but i didnt say anything.. then someone said "this is the menu, may i have ur order?"
so i replied ok and when i turned ard i saw SHIJIN !! haha !! wad a surprise for me.. i was anticipating her for today's outing but she rejected me several times.. so i gave up the thought that she would appear for dinner.. so when shijin appeared I felt as if I was dreaming.. whenever I scold shijin heartless, they tried very hard not to laugh in front of me.. haha..

but I didn’t noe that they have been planning since march alr.. gosh..
i was really loss for words.. that kind of inexplicable feeling is hard to describe..

From the cost of present to the cost of food and to the effort in planning & organizing the dinner really made me very touched.. ehh i dunno why i pay so little for the cost of food.. but sincerely thank you so much..
-adidas bag(joanne,shijin,sabirah,pohyee,lena n yiling), box with messages written by shijin n sabirah and frenship cheque by joanne..

joanne did drop some hints in sch for few times but i still didnt catch it.. haha..
aft reading the messages in the box, my tear ducts r active n i no longer can control anymore..
in fact when having dinner, i tried hard to hold back tears alr.. haha..
-having dory with lobster sauce and TIRAMISU CAKE WITH CANDLE !!

THANK YOU SO MUCH ! simply dunno how to say.. the whole thing is really wonderful..

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY TO ME !!

2008-04-08T20:09:00.002+08:00

went to see doctor just now..
eyes brightened up by a young n pretty lady(nurse)..
she smiled n greeted me..
nv encountered such privilege from clinic b4..
wad surprised me the most was that she perfect in CRM.. LOL..
she smiled to every customer.. very courteous too..
when my turn to pay up, she took my money with both hands..
what really perk me up was that aft she explained the dosage intake for each medicine, she handed me the medicine n ended by saying "thank you, get well soon.."
nv in my life had i experienced such thing la..
damn perfect in CRM..

talking abt CRM reminded me of yr3.. Zzz.. timetable not bad.. but.. hais..
why so fast.. i saw new batch having their orientation outside csc.. i was like thinking to myself "huh everything just passed so fast.." somemore gotta teach new batch of csc ppl.. Zzz..

nice to meet u guys.. =)
remember to say hi ..
dun pretend pretend nv see ar.. LOL..!!